


On Days Like These (Let Me Hold You)

by loopdeloop



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Brotherly Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kim Namjoon | RM-centric, Mental Health Issues, OT7, it's basically a story about joon struggling a bit and the others being caring and lovely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 08:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12250383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loopdeloop/pseuds/loopdeloop
Summary: Even when breathing seemed a bit harder, the shadows in the corners of his mind got longer and he started doubting himself and everything around him, Namjoon knew that he could depend on the people around him on days like these.





	On Days Like These (Let Me Hold You)

**Author's Note:**

> This mostly stems from personal experience and the need to project my feelings onto my fav and write about it. English isn’t my first language and I tried my best to fix any errors, but if you find any mistakes, please don’t hesitate to point them out to me!  
> (This is also my very first time writing/publishing anything, so please be kind)
> 
> The mental health issues in this fic aren't specified further or professionally diagnosed, but if you feel like reading this could negatively impact your own mental state, please feel free to skip reading this one. Take care!

In his own illogical, odd way, Namjoon felt like this was his fault. If he had gone to one of the members and confided in them about his steadily declining spirits, he could have (maybe, hopefully) stopped this seemingly massive wave of sadness before it came crushing over him and pulled him under completely.

 

They’d been living together for such a long time now and Namjoon could vividly remember how at first, he didn’t dare let down his guard in front of the others. He was too busy making music worthy of the company’s approval, writing lyrics that other young people could hopefully relate to and learning how to be a leader while still trying to figure out his own self. So when he used to feel the all too familiar pull of sadness beckoning him into the dark, he simply worked through it. Even back then, he was aware that this was probably not an effective or healthy way to deal with his mental struggles, but taking off the mask of the tough rapper which was permanently attached to his face all those years ago just didn’t feel like a viable option.

  
It was only after they started getting more comfortable with each other and with their position in the industry that Namjoon opened up about his feelings on these particular days, days that often dragged on for what felt like an eternity and seemed to pass in the blink of an eye all at once. Only after countless nights spent awake, working at his computer and only stopping when one of his group members convinced him to go home. Sometimes he got interrupted by Jimin, who just got home from dance practice, only to find Namjoon still missing and proceeded to go out of his way to pick the older up from the studio. On other occasions, it was Yoongi, who was finishing up in the studio himself and noticed the lights in Namjoon’s room were still on.

  
It didn’t matter who it was, they always made sure to take him with them, to guide him home, even if he insisted on continuing his work because _he was this close to finding the right lyrics for their new song, just a little while longer._ They never paid his weak protests any mind, not out of anger or annoyance, but because the exhaustion of the past days, weeks, months was written so clearly in every line of his face – from the worried crease of his forehead to the tired squinting of his eyes.

 

  
Nowadays, Namjoon knew that he could pull aside any of his group mates – or talk to all of them at once, if he felt the need to – to rant about his worries and he was sure he would always be met with open arms and helpful advice. Their methods of cheering him up on days like these differed from person to person – ranging from a warm hug from Hoseok to heartfelt and earnest reassurance from Taehyung – but they all succeeded in lightening the pressure that seemed to always weigh down on his shoulders during their stressful schedules.

  
Still, they’d all been so exhausted the last few weeks, he didn’t feel like adding his own worries and problems to their individual ones would be fair at all. So when Namjoon woke up today and immediately noticed how the worry and anxiety he had accumulated over the last few days had turned into the familiar feelings of crushing sadness and lethargy, he didn’t tell anybody. It was a rare day off in between busy days packed full with last-minute rehearsals, meetings and performances. There was no use in ruining the others’ fun by passing his foul mood onto them, not when he knew that Seokjin and Yoongi were looking forward to a rare day of relaxing and lazing about and Hoseok was planning on joining Taehyung, Jimin and Jeongguk in playing various video games they hadn’t been able to properly enjoy in such a long time.

  
That is why Namjoon made the quick decision to head out to the studio while the others were eating breakfast, not bothering to grab something to eat for himself. He rarely had an appetite on these days anyway, not with his stomach full of heavy anxiety and dread that felt like it took up his whole body.

  
Sitting in his studio now and staring blankly at his blinking cursor, he didn’t feel as productive as he hoped he would. He wished he would have brought along a snack just so he could have something to chew on while working, now he was just absentmindedly worrying his lower lip with his teeth, a habit that always led to chapped or bleeding lips, but one that kept him focused, which was admittedly one of the reasons why he hadn't made much effort to give it up. Sometimes moods like the one he was stuck in today led to him writing and composing melancholic songs, many of which he scrapped when he looked at them a few days later with a different mindset. Some he deemed too honest and too close to his heart for him to share, but he kept them anyways. During one of these days, “Reflection” came about, which ended up being a decent enough song and was put on the album after some tweaking and re-phrasing.

  
Unfortunately, Namjoon wasn’t as lucky today; he couldn’t seem to come up with any lyrics at all, in fact. While he continued staring at the empty document before him, he blindly reached to the side to pick up his coffee cup, hoping that the caffeine could ease the hollow feeling inside of him and breathe some productive energy back into him. He groaned when he realised that the cup was empty already (Or was it empty still? Had he filled it at all today? He honestly couldn't tell). Glancing at the coffee machine in the back of the room, Namjoon decided making himself a hot drink wasn’t worth it, not when the simple act of getting out of his chair felt like an impossible task right now. On days like these, such mundane actions seemed like they could drain him of every last bit of energy he possessed.

  
Namjoon only realised he’d been staring at the dried smudges on the rim of his cup for too long (Was it minutes, hours? He honestly couldn't tell) when there was a knock on the door that abruptly startled him out of his stupor.

  
“Namjoon-ah, can I come in?”

  
What was Yoongi doing _here_? Surely the older would prefer to catch up on some much needed rest and not visit the studio on his only free day in-between too many weeks of uninterrupted work. Too caught up in his musings, Namjoon didn’t notice how he forgot to answer the other at all and only realised when Yoongi slowly eased open the door a moment later. Namjoon sent him a reassuring smile – which ended up looking more like a shaky grimace, even he could tell – to make up for his lack of response, but the other rapper didn’t seem to mind his quietness, much less be surprised by it. Yoongi only responded with a warm smile of his own while slowly approaching the younger’s desk.

  
“You’ve been here for quite some time, don’t you want to finish up and come home?” Though the words may have seemed harsh in any other situation, Yoongi’s voice was soft and full of care.

  
He didn’t mention that Namjoon looked like he could use every extra hour of sleep he could possibly manage to get, but it was implied in the way he gently slid the younger’s hand from its permanent spot on top of the mouse and into his own. It took Namjoon a moment to realise that Yoongi’s hand wasn’t burning hot, but rather that his own seemed to have turned freezing cold, fingers stiff and tingling from the sudden movement. He let himself be pulled up and stood to the side while the other shut down the program and computer with practised motions. A short glance at the clock hanging on the wall revealed that Namjoon had been in the studio for a good few hours; it was late afternoon already. Time seemed to have passed him by without him taking note of it, too caught up in his preoccupied state of mind.

  
While following his fellow rapper out of the studio and down the road leading to their dorm, Namjoon wondered if other people who passed them on the street saw him as a human being or rather as the empty shell he felt like he truly was in that moment. Even though it was a clear and sunny day, his own mind felt foggy and hazy, thoughts too fast to hold on to and too slow to escape from at the same time. He felt immeasurably grateful for Yoongi’s guidance right then, not having to think about which street to take and when to turn was a relief, even if he knew the route by heart.

  
The next time Namjoon looked up from where he had fixed his gaze on his feet, Yoongi was unlocking their dorm's front door.  
Upon entering the living room, Namjoon absentmindedly wondered if there was a reason for them all to be gathered there instead of strewn about different rooms of their dorm as they usually were on their days off. Even as immersed in their phones or the show playing on the TV as they seemed to be, his band members all looked up when they noticed Namjoon lingering in the door frame.

  
His heart clenched uncomfortably when he registered the worry painted across all of their faces. Before the leader could dispel their concern with empty promises of _I’m fine, there’s nothing wrong, I promise_ , Jeongguk patted the empty spot on the sofa next to him and eagerly motioned for him to sit down. As Namjoon wearily let himself fall onto the piece of furniture, he felt the exhaustion of the last few days catch up with him.

  
“We were just about to put on a movie! Care to join us, hyung?” Jimin asked from his spot on the carpet in front of the couch, turning around to send him a soft smile. Namjoon didn’t really feel like he could focus on a film right now, not when his blinks were getting longer and he could barely suppress the yawn creeping up his throat. He was sure that the others must be aware of this too, but if they were, they didn’t mention it.

  
Nevertheless, as soon as he gave a non-committal shrug as an answer, Hoseok’s face lit up and he took a seat next to Namjoon before carefully draping the cosy blanket they keep on the sofa over the both of them. As a gesture of gratitude (and because his head was beginning to feel unbearably heavy, the weight of all his swirling thoughts manifesting into an almost physical sensation), he leaned his head against Hoseok’s shoulder and closed his eyes with a tiny, relieved sigh.

  
The others began settling in as well, choosing spots on and around their sofa which was way too small to fit all seven of them, but they always made it work, somehow.  
He could feel Yoongi’s arm from where it was draped across the back of the couch and resting against the soft skin of Namjoon’s neck. The warm weight of Taehyung’s and Jimin’s bodies against his legs felt just as comforting as the reassuring hand Jeongguk rested on his thigh and the soft squeeze Seokjin gave his hands before he started the movie.

  
They never managed to quiet down completely, somebody was always commenting on the absurdity of the movie’s action sequences or the colourful CGI effects. Their quiet but enthusiastic chatter combined with the sounds coming from the TV soon became mere background noise and lulled Namjoon into a blissful state of half-sleep.

  
In this slumber, his thoughts finally seemed to quiet down and his body relaxed bit by bit. Even if he knew that his mind would most likely be stuck in this melancholic and anxiety-ridden state for the next few days as well, he couldn’t help but feel gratitude and appreciation for the way the other members treated him on days like these: not with caution and fear, but with patience, affection and love.

**Author's Note:**

> I just couldn't resist making the ending all soppy and sugary sweet and I'm not even a little bit sorry.  
> Comments and kudos don't take long and mean a lot to writers!


End file.
